Question - Hi Reverend Jay…Please tell me how to tell my mom that it’s possible to have a religious ceremony on the beach. She says it can't happen.
Answer-As you know, it CAN absolutely be possible. Of course, your Mom comes from some tradition, so go easy. In ancient times most all weddings were performed outside in special places.

Question -How many people need to be present for a NC wedding?
Answer-Two witnesses are required here in North Carolina to sign the marriage license. No problem though if you don't have anyone with you. There's always someone looking for shells or sea glass on our beaches who is willing and excited to sign your license.

Question - Is it possible to have a renewal of wedding vows on the beach in Kitty Hawk?
Answer-Vow Renewal Ceremonies are very common here on the beach and usually very intimate and awesome.

Question - Can we do a communion on the beach if we wanted?
Answer-Communion.   Sure, it's pretty rare, but definitely possible. ANYTHING is possible. Get "can do" people around you and make the wedding ceremony of your dreams!

Question -Who turns in the marriage license and how do we get our copy?
Answer-The state of NC likes for the officiant to submit the license after the wedding, but that is not law. It must be returned back to the original register of deeds within ten days of your ceremony. Some NC counties let you pay for your certified copies beforehand, but most require you to send an application in later.

Question - Can you discuss the marriage license process some?
Answer-You must get your marriage license within 60 days of your wedding date. Cost is $50, and obtained through any NC Register of Deeds. Each county has one.  People typically use the one in Manteo or the one in Currituck County.

Question - Should we keep a copy of it (the marriage license) before we give it to the officiant in case it gets lost?
Answer-No, both original copies have to be sent back in. Some couples like to make a copy of the originals before they leave for a cruise or whatever to get the newlywed perks!

Question - I hear a candle on the beach is a bad idea. Is that your experience?
Answer-Unfortunately, they just don't stay lit.

Question - I want to do a special something to bring attention to my grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary, the same day as our wedding, any ideas?
Answer- hmmmmmmm......might be cool to honor them by having them participate in the ceremony in some way. Maybe bring the rings forward at the right time. Maybe have them read something or say a prayer of blessing. Maybe participate in the Sand Ceremony with you. There are many possibilities.

Question - My sister wants to do a solo on the beach... does this work without a microphone?
Answer- Solo without a mic. Well, sort of depends on how many people will be at the wedding. If she is singing to 20 people, no mic needed. If there are 50 -150 people, you probably want to secure some kind of mic system for her. Wind and waves are great, but a challenge sometimes.
Comment-I was wondering about that, thank you for the tip. I will look into a microphone asap.

Question - How will I know when it is time to hand off my flowers? I am worried about doing the ring portion of the ceremony and still having my flowers in my hand... Help.
Answer-The best time to hand off your flowers is near the beginning, usually after the question of blessing to the father (if there is one-“Who gives this woman…). That way your hands are free to hold each other.

Question - How many ceremonies have you performed?
Answer-This is my 30th year as an ordained minister. The answer......."many".....but every celebration is different, new and special in its own way. Love it.

Question - How many readings do most couples have?
Answer-Readings: One or two are great. There is no rule that says you have to have even one, but it's nice to pick something that resonates with who you are and have your guests dialed into it.

Question -If you are getting married out of the country, is it good to get married at city hall so you have all the right paperwork and then proceed with the second ceremony?
Answer-I'm not an expert on 'out of the country weddings', but you will be want to be sure that you are legally married here in the states. Check with your state's county building.

Question - Are the readings at the beginning of the ceremony or after the rings?
Answer-I like to craft the ceremony with readings in places where they fit best. Some lend themselves best near the beginning and others more as a closing. Some readings are even perfect for right after the Ring Exchange. Just depends.

Question - Are 15 minutes enough time for a small beach ceremony?
Answer-Sure, you can do it well in 15 minutes, but I think 20 is even better. Your inner clock is going faster in such a big moment and you don't want it to go by too fast. Be sure it's a 'forever moment' you won't miss.

Comment-Rev. Jay Bowman says “If I am the one to serve you on your Big Day, yes, absolutely. Whoever you get as your officiant should listen closely to what you want, and what fits you, then give you suggestions on "where" and "how" everything can be put together to make the ceremony personalized to You!

Question - Thank you for having this chat. I think it's helpful for a lot of us with questions about ceremonies. Can you tell me what you've seen that is memorable to honor a deceased parent during the ceremony? Not too morbid but to pay a tribute to my Mom?
Answer-Sometimes just a few words of thanks near the beginning of the ceremony is just perfect. Sometimes couples like to offer flowers to the Atlantic in memory of someone passed. Others like to have a solitary flower sitting on an empty chair. So many great ways to do it without being morbid or anything like that.

Comment-I have also seen flowers and/or shells tossed into the ocean in honor of that person.
Comment-I was at a wedding of my good friend and they read letters to the brides dad who had passed away. It was touching, funny and really memorable. Just and idea for you.

Question - I am so glad I logged on in time to catch the chat. I am from Maryland and getting married in late March. My question is about who sits in the front row. My parents and grandparents are divorced and I just don't know how to assign seats?
Answer-No problem. You know your family better than anyone, and it will all work out. Yes, most of the time, parents and grandparents sit on the front row. If there is bad blood, put the grandparents in between them....or invite one couple to sit on the second row. There is no 'absolute' rule to it, but again, you know them better than anyone.

Question - Hi Jay, you are doing our wedding next July.  I'm still a little confused about the wedding license process. What parts do we do and what parts do you take care of?
Answer-You may want to look back in the chat conversation earlier, but the bottom line is this. You get your NC license within 60 days of your wedding date. I will submit both original copies back to the state. You will need to arrange with the same NC Register of Deeds to get your certified copies.

Question - Are there any locations where you're not allowed to get married?
Answer-The beach is wide open for weddings. No permit needed from Carova all the way down to South Nags Head. Then a permit is required south of there on the Hatteras National Seashore, put is totally allowed.

Question - Do most pastors meet with you before the wedding? And is the rehearsal included automatically or do we need to ask for that?
Answer-I can't speak to what other ministers do here, but I think it's pretty common that your officiant would be glad to meet up for coffee or a sandwich. I love doing that. And as far as the rehearsal, don't assume that service automatically comes along with the package. Be sure to line that up with your officiant at the time of booking so that it is clear, and so that you don't have any $$$$ surprises down the road.

Question - What if the sand is scorching hot?
Answer-If the sand is hot enough to cook on, people just keep their flip flops on the whole time, or get to their spot and then kick them off and dig their feet down into some cooler sand.

Question - What does it take to become an officiant on the Outer Banks?
Answer-There is some question on this here in North Carolina. You are supposed to have the right credentials to be able to perform weddings, but even the state is sending mixed messages as to what those credentials can and cannot be. Just be sure that whoever you pick to become your officiant, that the state of NC acknowledges their credentials.

Comment-Jay, thanks for spending your time and sharing your expertise with us tonight. I learned a few things-very helpful.