Chat Archive August 19, 2009

Good Evening Brides, this is Nannette with The Proper Setting.  We are launching our first live chat. Please send me your questions and comments about wedding planning. I'll do my best to answer them

Question:  Why should I hire a wedding planner? The cost seems like a lot.  Is it worth it?
Answer:  A wedding planner should actually save you money and more than pay for her services by helping with vendor selection and contract negotiations, to name just a couple of ways.

Question: I am curious to know what the rule is on who sits in the front row during the ceremony?
Answer: The front row is typically reserved for parents and grandparents, but there are occasions when an aunt or uncle is also included in that row.

Question: What if my parents are divorced? Then what?
Answer:  You can either assign your parents a seating order or you can ask them how they feel about it. The etiquette book says divorced parents would place the father on the second row but I rarely see that happen.

Question: What about the entrance of the wedding party? Do we have to introduce the parents too? We are having a big wedding party and I worry it will take forever! Is it rude not to include them in the intro?
Answer: Most parents that I have talked too would much rather be visiting with guests and playing the role of host and hostess rather waiting in the background for introductions.

Question: What does a wedding planner cost?
Answer: Wedding planner fees vary depending on their level of service and also their experience. It's important that you get the right planner for your needs. Most planners on the Outer Banks charge $1,500 and up depending on the level of service and time spent on your wedding.

Question:  One more question has been keeping me up at night.... I was raised by my grandparents and want to do a dance with my papa, not my dad... can I do this?
Answer: I would recommend that you dance with both, but perhaps dance with your grandfather first if he raised you.

Question: Can I offer beer, wine and liquor during the cocktail hour, then switch to just beer and wine to save money? Is that cool?  I am going to offer beer, wine and champagne all night, liquor is optional...
Answer:  I wouldn't recommend that.  Many guests become attached to the drink that they have chosen and then later it's not available. You might instead do just a specialty drink in addition to beer and wine.

Question:  But what if they have to pay....
Answer:  Most guests, particularly the ladies, do not bring cash and a cash bar is not such a great idea at a wedding.

Question:  Oh one more thing... what time should I schedule my hair and makeup to be done if the ceremony is at 6pm?
Answer: I think the bride should be the last person to have her hair and makeup done, but even given that, you should be all ready to put on your dress at least two hours prior to the wedding, so that the photographer is ready to take detail shots when they get there.

Question: We want to do a beach wedding ceremony. What if it rains?
Answer:  Always, and I can't stress this enough.....always have a backup plan! It can be the home you are renting, or a chapel, or a tent, but you must have a plan so that you are not trying to create that plan on the day of your wedding should you need it.

Question:  I am so happy to have the help of an experienced coordinator. I have a situation I am worried about. I hate when the toasts go on and on and on but, I only want to have our best man and Matron of Honor do a toast.  How do we keep our guests from going on and on and on?
Answer: You should make sure that your DJ or band knows that no one gets the microphone without your permission, and then politely tell your friends ahead of time that you have already scheduled your toasts and that you prefer them to just enjoy being at your reception, dancing, etc. And along those same lines, encourage everyone to use the rehearsal dinner as a chance to do "open mic."

Question: I heard fireworks are illegal. What about sparklers for my big exit?
Answer: Sparklers are illegal in Duck, but okay in other townships. I have seen many great photo ops with sparklers, but hey, think about it. Do you really want guests with flaming sticks after they have been drinking? Perhaps stage it with just a few friends and leave the rest of the group out of it.

Question: I'm having a wedding with 50 people, is 8 brides maids too many for this small wedding?
Answer: It's your day. There are no wedding police these days and it's up to you. If you want your good friends up front with you, then by all means do it.

Question: Do I have to have the same number of bridesmaids and groomsmen?
Answer:  No, once again, it's entirely what you want. We have many weddings with guys on the bridesmaid’s side these days. How fun is it that?  You can do what YOU want!

Question: If you're my wedding coordinator and they deliver the wrong groom’s cake, what would you do? My friend ordered a chocolate cake with strawberries and got a cake with Green Bay Packers helmet on it. That would push me over the edge!
Answer: That’s a tough one Holly, but you have to laugh at it, and go with the flow. I would hold the cake back and then take funny photos with it later. Not much you could do at that point to make it right.

Question: I am from out of state and am getting married in OBX. Before I left, I hired a wedding planner. She is horrible. It takes her a week to return e-mails and then she says that I am bothering her. Unfortunately, I hired her as a package deal and if I drop her, I would drop my entire venue and ceremony location which would cost me $4000.
Answer:  Unfortunately with venues who have their own coordinator, they are working for the venue and do not have your best interest at heart all of the time. If it would make you feel more comfortable to hire your own representative, then by all means do it. But I'm sorry that it came to that.

Question: Do you know of any good reception sites?
Answer: There are many GREAT reception sites on the OBX. What do you want? A view?  A climate controlled indoor facility? Give me some more info.
Question: Do you know any good photographers?
Answer: I typically find out what style of photographer you want. Then you always need to talk to them to make sure your vision is the same as theirs. Don't go by their work alone. They will be with you for up to 8 hours on your wedding day, so you need to feel comfortable with them and like them.

Question: I've heard Island Photography is the best. Would you recommend them?
Answer: Island Photography are great. They’re fast, very fun, and great photos.  You should study websites and then see whose photos you like and contact those photographers, get references, and see if their pricing works within your budget.

Question:  What’s your opinion of having black bridesmaids dresses - cute and short, but classy?
Answer: Love it and add a bright color bouquet such as bright red or green.

Question: I really don't want to have cake shoved in my face on my $300 makeup after the cutting. Is that just a tradition, or can we skip that part?
Answer: That's in your control - have a conversation with your groom and tell him no cake shoving contest. It can be fun without all that. I had a bride choke and ruin her makeup and the groom was mortified and then it was a huge awkward time after that.

Question: I went to a wedding where the maid of honor’s sister smeared cake in the bride’s face because the groom wouldn't! It was horrible and ruined the party!
Answer:  Shame on her.  I bet she doesn't get asked to be in any weddings any time soon.

Question: We're about 50 people. I want to be outside, but am scared it might rain. I don't want a typical country club wedding.  Any suggestions?
Answer:  How about looking at an event home that you could do indoor or outdoor plan depending on the weather?

Question:  My sister is a control freak and she wants to be my coordinator, but I know she will get side tracked and forget all about my needs... what do I do? I was thinking I could give her a reading in the ceremony and then do a toast or something so she is too busy.  Am I over thinking this?
Answer: I think you should have a coordinator and then have her help you direct your sister with responsibilities so that she's too busy to think about being in control of everything.

Question: Does the coordinator set everything up? Place cards? The altar? Or does the florist decorate? I am confused.
Answer:  Great question.  And something that you should definitely discuss with your coordinator b/c some are totally hands off and want someone else to do the setup, labor, etc. I would get it in writing as to who is responsible for what.

Question:  I'm a groom and wanna help with the wedding but don't want to "step on any toes."  What's my job?
Answer: Thanks for joining us. Get the book, "What the hell is a groom and what is he supposed to do?" It's funny, informative and keeps everything light. But seriously, decide ahead of time what your jobs are and how you can help divide up the roles of choosing vendors, planning and so forth.

Question:  I have never been to OBX and am having my wedding in Corolla and everyone keeps asking me what beach? How do I find out the best beach?
Answer: Corolla has GREAT beaches, as they are nice and wide for the most part. Great sand and wider than many other areas. You could use the public beach access near the Currituck Club, which has parking or you could use the beach in front of an event home.

Question: We've spent a lot of money so far. Any ideas on a gift for my bride?
Answer:  Jewelry is always nice. A nice note on the wedding day that you can have the photographer pass along to her for a great photo moment. She's not so into the gift as she is YOU!

Question:  My fiancee and I recently got engaged and now we are starting to plan our wedding for next year. But first and foremost, we'd like to have an Engagement party for our friends, family and chosen wedding party announcing the engagement. Is that something we can do or does another person other than the bride and groom host the engagement party?
Answer: Etiquette says that you don't give parties for yourselves. Typically neither should your parents or immediate family, though plenty of people break that rule. Maybe some good friends or your parent's good friends could host it for you.

Question: Why is it that minister's are soo expensive? I mean it's only 30 min. of their time.
Answer: It's the reason that you are bringing all of your guests together, to witness your wedding and the beginning of your lives together. Find someone that you feel comfortable with, and if the fee is higher than you thought, remember that you are making memories for yourselves AND all of your guests who will remember your big day.

Question: How far in advance do I have to book my minister?
Answer:  On the OBX, I would recommend booking your pastor at least 9 months ahead, and if it's on a Saturday in season, then even further in advance.

Question: I'm not really religious. How do I have some religion, but not too much?  I don't want to make people uncomfortable.
Answer: Very easily done. Talk to your pastor and make sure you know what he or she is going to say and tell them your feelings.

Question: I am having a group of 40 people come down in September, and would like to do something cool like a luau on the beach or at the hotel. Are we allowed on the beach at night with a bonfire? What are the limitations? Do I need a permit? Are there any hula dancer companies I can check out? Or mariachi bands? Or steel drums? Something else that's unique for entertainment?
Answer: Typically, we don't have luaus here in North Carolina, but a clam bake might be fun. Depending on the town, you can have a bonfire and would need a permit in some townships. We have hula dancers, steel drum bands, congo drums, bagpipers, you name it. It's all a matter of what you want!

Question: I have just sent out my Save the Dates and have requested that people RSVP on our wedding website, so I can get a good count of who is coming or not, so I can invite the people from our B list if we have room.
Answer: Website RSVP's are great, but don't forget the older generation who might not be internet savvy and would like to RSVP the old fashioned way. So, I'd say give them an option.

Question: What about readings or verses or whatever they're called. Is there a website where I can find some?
Answer: Yes, take a look at the pastor's websites b/c they have great ones for you to consider.
Comment:  Try myouterbankswedding.com

Nannette: Thanks to everyone for contributing to our first live chat. I hope you feel like you got your questions answered. If I can help you with other questions, you can reach me at info@thepropersetting.com. Good night.